In what could have been a satirical news story in “The Onion”, the NY Times reports today that religious Christians have been flocking to see a National Geographic documentary called “March of the Penguins”. It has now become the second highest grossing doc of all time, just behind “Fahrenheit 9/11”. Conservative film critic Michael Medved has said the movie affirms “traditional norms”. The National Review’s goose stepping Republican Rich Lowry, (a noted biologist?) pronounced it simply “amazing”.

Funny how the box office now leads the pulpit in “values education” and not the other way around.

For a religion that believes in such “facts” as holy ghosts, reincarnation, virgin birth, and the afterlife, all sorts of anthropomorphic qualities are now subscribed to these birds, including protecting the young, sacrifice and of course, “intelligent design”. It is not yet known if the penguins will also ascend to the kingdom of heaven and participate in the great Second Coming.

We should allow animal behaviorists the chance to observe human religious rituals and find out if there are any parallels in the animal kingdom.

Perhaps it is the clerical garb that attracts the devout to the penguins. For in their uniform of black and white, they most resemble nuns or Shiite pilgrims, who must completely suppress their own individuality or face ostracizing and social rejection from the group.

Conservatives must also be awaiting the day when the penguins break off from their iceberg and invade the land to free the elk from the dictatorship of the polar bears and bring freedom to the North Pole.