Rock Music Reviews=Mangled English


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HootsWCLCard2Pic57, originally uploaded by epochshot.

A friend of mine, a photographer back east, sent me his latest images of a band he shot, “John A2 Forever” (name changed to protect the innocent). He was really excited about how well the photos turned out.

I went to iTunes and read a bit about the band. What never fails to amaze me is how incomprehensible music reviews are. The music can be superb, but the description of it is mind-boggling. It’s as if the English language were on a bad acid trip, with a mix of adjectives used like hallucinogens to obscure and destroy the meaning and intention of a clear and direct sentence. Here are some excerpts:

“There’s a slight but consistent bluesy feeling to the music that grounds it in the same way that White Stripes and Zeppelin reference the genre…”

“These songs rock but generally do so with a restrained quality that keeps them grounded and infuses the project with a classy edge that never seems forced or restrained….”

“….the tender underbelly to Petronelli’s approach”

“…the overt John Bonham-isms”

“Petronelli sticks primarily to Dobro, which imbues the disc with a mysterious, exotic feeling.”

In showing these excerpts, I mean no disrespect to the wonderfully talented band “John A2 Forever”. I even purchased two of their songs “Mary’s Room” and “So Mystified Am I”. It is only the reviewer’s description of their music that is so offensive to my eyes and ears.

Rock writers have been fooling us with their “authenticity” for fifty years. The phony and impressionistic bullshit of pop music reviewers is a window into the marketing mirage and con artistry of their genre.

2 thoughts on “Rock Music Reviews=Mangled English

  1. Funny, I was looking to read some rock music reviews and found this old post of yours.

    I agree with your point more often than not. I think its often writers trying to write how their influences write. Perhaps they write how they think they are supposed to write? Make it sound like Cameron Crowe’s writing for Rolling Stone and it gains authenticity somehow. I’m not certain.

    Writing about any artform is a challenge and an artform unto itself. It’ll have its visionaries and its posers. Just like music!

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