Movie attendance is dropping and people in Hollywood are blaming: DVD’s, home theaters, video games, boredom, high gasoline prices and the poor quality of films today.

I blame all of the above. I go to the movies now less than ever. There is so much crap out there that I want to vomit when I read the typical movie marquee:

“Bad News Bears”
“Herbie Fully Loaded”
“The Dukes of Hazard”
“The Island”
“Monster in Law”

Compared to even 1975, the actors today are eminently bland, boyish and forgetable: Ben Affleck, Topher Grace, Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, Mark Wahlberg. The actresses are usually young women paired with men three times their age.

There are huge, $100 million dollar production blockbusters that everyone has heard of which are devoid of writing or meaning: “The War of the Worlds”, “Bewitched”, “Spider Man 2”, “Batman Begins”. The masses at the malls who once packed these films are now choosing to sit in front of their new flat screens at home. A wise and less expensive choice.

Even the independent movies have gotten irritating and pretentious. Actor Bill Murray earns praise for his lost puppy dog performances in such affected, artsy and unwatchable cinema as: “Lost in Translation”, “Broken Flowers” and “The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou”.

The wispy and effete reviews for “Broken Flowers” are a warning for any moviegoer who might be considering it:

“A strange yet fascinating bouquet”
“A minimalist miracle”
“Indie-film aficionados will fall hard for its charms”
“Reserved, low-key, wryly comic”
“The joy is in the journey”
“Sly, touching”
“Understated”
“Delights in its vagueness”
“Smartly observational”

Smartly observational? What the fuck does that mean? Can you imagine Louis B. Mayer or Darryl Zanuck labeling one of their films “smartly observational”? Did GONE WITH THE WIND offer “delights in its vagueness”? Was Rhett Butler vague when he said, “Frankly my dear I don’t give a damn.”?

The indie world has become a mirror house reflection of depression, narcissism, anger, bitterness, hopelessness and above all an inability to entertain. The stories devised for many of these films should not even leave the rooms in which they are pitched.

The DVD’s coming out now include some of the great classics of the 1930’s, 40’s and 50s. I bought two outstanding films at Target for $9.95 each: “A Letter to Three Wives” (1949) and “The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit”(1955). There are great movie and TV DVDs of Alfred Hitchcock, HBO shows, Mary Tyler Moore, Seinfeld, Film Noir, John Ford, Sex and the City. What big screen movies can compare to the aforementioned?

Why would any family of four pay $50 to sit for two and half hours in front of Scarlett Johansson and Ewan MacGregor [“The Island”(Michael Bay directed)] as they run around in a sterile futuristic environment where people are dressed in identical uniforms? As Chicago Tribune reviewer Alison Benedikt put it: “I have not been a fan of Johannson’s work, but here, with her trademark delivery—lethargic, monotone, sleepy—she’s a very believable clone. It’s actually the ideal role for her.”

The old studio system, whatever its evils, allowed actors, directors, cinematographers, producers and writers an environment where they worked on their craft. They became better and better– and imparted their knowledge to younger workers. Special effects and the new digital miracles that give us stunning visuals are no substitute for storytelling. The vapidness and truly boring emptiness of the giant marketing behemoths that Hollywood stamps out are inhuman and lamentable. It’s sad that only low box office grosses communicate awfulness to the tone deaf executives that produce these monster films.

If they could throw dog shit on the screen and people paid to see it, then that’s what Hollywood would produce.