The care, the compassion, the concern; the love, the affection, the authentic empathy for the automobile knows no bounds in Los Angeles. For here, the health and well-being of the car is of utmost concern to every red-blooded man, woman and child.
In our city, a neglected, dirty, abused, uncared for car is truly a moral crime, something that our citizens would not tolerate.
Since the car emigrated to Los Angeles, from France and Germany, early in the 20th Century, it has found a home here. The sincere regard for all wandering vehicles has produced an outpouring of health care for all cars unrivaled by any civilized nation. All races, creeds, religions, every poor and rich person, regards the vehicle as Their Supreme God.
And in every district of Los Angeles, outside of every school, restaurant, home, and hospital, the car is thought of first. Its needs are regarded before any triviality which might impede the happiness of the car. Even when there are empty factories, abandoned malls, the car retains its parking lots. Even roads falling down, streets pockmarked by potholes, they are allowed to carry the car, because the supremacy of the auto goes before any other infrastructure needs.
When crazy buildings to house people are proposed by cowardly developers, the first question at community meetings is always the holiest and most sacred one:
“Where will they park?”
No car ever goes without fuel, no car is ever without a parent looking after it, all precious water from our aqueducts is used to baptize and cleanse the car so that it can go on as the King of Los Angeles. Every drop of air we breathe, every sound we hear, every place we want to go, our car must come first.
Let the icebergs melt, let the polar bears and penguins die off, let 117 degrees become the new normal in Los Angeles, our car must continue to be our primary mode of life and liberty.
We know no other way. We will accept nothing less.
Following are some vintage car wash photos from the files of the LAPL: